George Iles

Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student.

William S. Burroughs

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."

Zach Braff

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

Evan Esar

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

Aristotle

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Charles McCabe

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.

Soren Kierkegaard

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

Dale Carnegie

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain and most fools do.

Russell Baker

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Frank Dane

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

Scott Adams

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Sir Francis Bacon

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.

Robert Chapman

A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion.

RJS

I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'

Plato

No human thing is of serious importance.

Martin Mull

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

Samuel Goldwyn

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

Sir Winston Churchill

I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents.