Albert Einstein

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results....

Walter Winchell

Success is the reward of anyone who looks for trouble..

Franklin P. Jones

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger....

Wilson Mizner

Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll meet them on your way down...

Christoph Lichtenberg

What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!... rjs

Johnny Cash

Success means having to worry about every damn thing in the world, except money..

Isaac Asimov

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right....

Murray Koffler

My formula for success is dress british, look irish, think jewish...

George Bernard Shaw

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell....

Oscar Wilde

Work is the curse of the drinking Classes...

Hunter S. Thompson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

Oscar Wilde

Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do..

Pierre Beaumarchais

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them....

Leo Rosten

If you want people to think you're wise, just agree with them.

Jane Caminos

A waist is a terrible thing to mind....

Philip Gibbs

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same..

Richard Feynman

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers....

Kin Hubbard.

If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell them something for their own good..

Peter Ustinov

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.....

Erica Jong

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answers but wish we didn't..

Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?...

Adlai Stevenson

Flattery hurts no one- so long as you don't inhale...

William Gibson

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet...

La Rochefoucauld

Gratitude is merely a secret hope of further favours...

Charles M. Schulz

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love...

Kin Hubbard

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt...

Malcolm Bradbury

The english are polite by telling lies. The americans are polite by telling the truth..

Abraham Lincoln

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves... RJS

Oscar Wilde

Vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people..

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite... Winston Churchill

rjs

Every man likes the smell of his own farts.. Icelandic proverb.

rjs

More people will get out of ur way if u say i'm about to puke, then if u say 'Excuse Me'..Sally bager

rjs

Etiquette is knowing how to yawn with your mouth closed...Herbert P

rjs

The nice thing about egoists is that they dont talk about other people..Lucy Harper

rjs

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance..Oscar Wilde

rjs

An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.. Ambrose Bierce

rjs

Some of the greatest love affairs i have known involved one actor, unassisted...Wilson Mizner

rjs

An inferiority complex would be a blessing if only the right people had it...Alan Reed

rjs

I have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them... Jimmy Hoffa

rjs

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't..Mignon McLaughlin

rjs

Gentility is what's left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone... John Ciardi

rjs

People in a temper often say a lot of silly things that they really mean... Penelope Gilliat

rjs

Confidence is simply that quite, assured feeling ou have before you fall flat on ur face.. L Binder

rjs

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating 1 peanut... Channing Pollock.

rjs

I have my standards. They may be low, but i have them.. Bette Midler

rjs

Experience is a comb life gives you after you lose your hair... Judith Stern

rjs

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest abt it... James agate

rjs

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.. Benjamin Disraile

rjs

Men achieve a certain greatness unawares, when working to another aim. ...Ralph Waldo Emerson

rjs

Divorce can be seen as the legal alternative to murder... Jeff Fox

rjs

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Johann Wolfgang

rjs

Adultery is the application of democracy to love....H.L.Mencken

rjs

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. - Bill Watterson

rjs

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn

rjs

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain

rjs

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

rjs

Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery... Denis Norden

rjs