Jun 29, 2010
Bertrand Russell
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
Jun 28, 2010
Michael Pritchard
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
Jun 27, 2010
Tom Hanks
I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war or pick up a gun or get killed or kill somebody. I hope my kids enjoy the same lack of manhood.
Jun 26, 2010
Jun 25, 2010
Henny Youngman
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Jun 24, 2010
James Thurber
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Jun 23, 2010
Jun 22, 2010
David Letterman
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
Jun 21, 2010
Dan Quayle
People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.
Jun 20, 2010
Judith Martin
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Jun 19, 2010
William S. Burroughs
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
Jun 18, 2010
Aristotle
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Jun 17, 2010
Jun 16, 2010
Jun 15, 2010
Jun 14, 2010
Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Jun 13, 2010
Sir Francis Bacon
If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
Robert Chapman
A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion.
Jun 12, 2010
RJS
I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'
Jun 11, 2010
Jun 10, 2010
Sir Winston Churchill
I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents.
P. J. O'Rourke
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
Jun 9, 2010
Jun 8, 2010
Jun 7, 2010
Jun 6, 2010
Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back. - rjs
Jun 5, 2010
Robert Orben
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it. - rjs
Jun 4, 2010
Jun 3, 2010
Jun 2, 2010
Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?'...
Jun 1, 2010
Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
May 31, 2010
Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results....
May 30, 2010
Franklin P. Jones
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger....
May 29, 2010
Christoph Lichtenberg
What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!... rjs
May 28, 2010
May 27, 2010
May 26, 2010
May 25, 2010
May 24, 2010
May 23, 2010
Richard Feynman
There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers....
May 22, 2010
May 21, 2010
May 20, 2010
May 19, 2010
May 18, 2010
Malcolm Bradbury
The english are polite by telling lies. The americans are polite by telling the truth..
May 17, 2010
May 16, 2010
May 15, 2010
May 14, 2010
May 13, 2010
May 12, 2010
May 11, 2010
May 10, 2010
May 9, 2010
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