Murray Koffler

My formula for success is dress british, look irish, think jewish...

George Bernard Shaw

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell....

Oscar Wilde

Work is the curse of the drinking Classes...

Hunter S. Thompson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro....

Oscar Wilde

Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do..

Pierre Beaumarchais

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them....

Leo Rosten

If you want people to think you're wise, just agree with them.

Jane Caminos

A waist is a terrible thing to mind....

Philip Gibbs

It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same..

Richard Feynman

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers....

Kin Hubbard.

If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell them something for their own good..

Peter Ustinov

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.....

Erica Jong

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answers but wish we didn't..

Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?...

Adlai Stevenson

Flattery hurts no one- so long as you don't inhale...

William Gibson

The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet...

La Rochefoucauld

Gratitude is merely a secret hope of further favours...

Charles M. Schulz

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love...

Kin Hubbard

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt...

Malcolm Bradbury

The english are polite by telling lies. The americans are polite by telling the truth..

Abraham Lincoln

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves... RJS

Oscar Wilde

Vulgarity is simply the conduct of other people..

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite... Winston Churchill

rjs

Every man likes the smell of his own farts.. Icelandic proverb.

rjs

More people will get out of ur way if u say i'm about to puke, then if u say 'Excuse Me'..Sally bager

rjs

Etiquette is knowing how to yawn with your mouth closed...Herbert P

rjs

The nice thing about egoists is that they dont talk about other people..Lucy Harper

rjs

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance..Oscar Wilde

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An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.. Ambrose Bierce

rjs

Some of the greatest love affairs i have known involved one actor, unassisted...Wilson Mizner

rjs

An inferiority complex would be a blessing if only the right people had it...Alan Reed

rjs

I have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them... Jimmy Hoffa

rjs

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't..Mignon McLaughlin

rjs

Gentility is what's left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone... John Ciardi

rjs

People in a temper often say a lot of silly things that they really mean... Penelope Gilliat

rjs

Confidence is simply that quite, assured feeling ou have before you fall flat on ur face.. L Binder

rjs

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating 1 peanut... Channing Pollock.

rjs

I have my standards. They may be low, but i have them.. Bette Midler

rjs

Experience is a comb life gives you after you lose your hair... Judith Stern

rjs

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest abt it... James agate

rjs

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.. Benjamin Disraile

rjs

Men achieve a certain greatness unawares, when working to another aim. ...Ralph Waldo Emerson

rjs

Divorce can be seen as the legal alternative to murder... Jeff Fox

rjs

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Johann Wolfgang

rjs

Adultery is the application of democracy to love....H.L.Mencken

rjs

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. - Bill Watterson

rjs

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn

rjs

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain

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If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

rjs

Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery... Denis Norden

rjs

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young to do it... Bob Philips

rjs

Toddlers are more likely to eat healthy food if they find it on the floor... Jan B

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You know what i did before i married, anything i wanted to... Henny Youngman

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No matter who you marry, you wake up married to someone else.. Marlon Brando

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Once a woman has given her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her...John V

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When i finally met Mr. Right, i had no idea his first name was 'Always'..Rita Ruder

rjs

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side...Stuart Turner

rjs

The best way to get husband do anything is to suggest that he is too old to do it... F.Parker

rjs

Womens movement would be more successful, if men were running it...Alan Clark

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The main achievement of the women's movement was the right to go dutch..Gloria Steinem

rjs

The trouble with women is that they never put the toilet seat back up.. Simon Nye

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Marriage is alliance of 2 people, 1 who remembers all date and other 1 who doesnt...Ogden Nash

rjs

Intution is the strange instinct that tells a woman she is right; whether she is or not...Oscar Wilde

rjs

The main purpose of love is to provide a theme for novels....Peir Paul Read

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All the reasons of a man cannot outweigh a single feeling of a woman... Voltaire

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question...Lily Tomlin

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Women might start a rumour, but not a war.... Marga Gomez

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A man in house is worth 2 in the street... Mae West

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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain...WCFields

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Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage...Ambrose Bierce

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If a man speaks in forest with no women around... is he still wrong? Rick Makin

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My wife and I thought we were in love but it turned out to be begining... Woody Alen

rjs

A hard man is good to find...Mae West

rjs

I 'm still going on bad dates when by now i should be in a bad marraige...Laura K

rjs

The difference btw man and battery; that battery has +ve side....

rjs

Every man I meet wants to protect me, i cant figure out from what...Mae West

rjs

People should'nt be treated like objects; they are not that valuable...PJORourke

rjs

It is absurd to divide people in gud or bad; they are either charming or tedious.

rjs

There are 3 kind of people; one those who can count, others who cannot..

rjs

I think i m pretty gud judge of people; which is y i hate most of them....

rjs

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions...RJS

rjs

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. - Jules Feiffer

rjs

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, why don't we all get wasted and have the time of our lives

rjs

Language is the source of misunderstandings. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

rjs

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. - Westheimer's Discovery

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The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up. - Scott Adams

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Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

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An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly. - Edwin P. Whipple

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A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

rjs

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned.

rjs

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken

rjs

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.

rjs

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

rjs

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

rjs

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

rjs

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

rjs

If you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space.

rjs

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H. L. Mencken

rjs

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. - J. Frank Dobie

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I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. - Elayne Boosler

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