Dale Carnegie

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain and most fools do.

Russell Baker

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

Rita Rudner

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Frank Dane

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

Scott Adams

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Sir Francis Bacon

If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.

Robert Chapman

A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion.

RJS

I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the thousands out there marked 'Occupant.'

Plato

No human thing is of serious importance.

Martin Mull

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

Samuel Goldwyn

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

Sir Winston Churchill

I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents.

P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Ferdinand Foch

None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear.

Lucille S. Harper

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

David Hoselton

I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

Mark Twain

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

Actions lie louder than words. - Carolyn Wells

rjs