Every man likes the smell of his own farts.. Icelandic proverb.

rjs

More people will get out of ur way if u say i'm about to puke, then if u say 'Excuse Me'..Sally bager

rjs

Etiquette is knowing how to yawn with your mouth closed...Herbert P

rjs

The nice thing about egoists is that they dont talk about other people..Lucy Harper

rjs

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance..Oscar Wilde

rjs

An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.. Ambrose Bierce

rjs

Some of the greatest love affairs i have known involved one actor, unassisted...Wilson Mizner

rjs

An inferiority complex would be a blessing if only the right people had it...Alan Reed

rjs

I have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them... Jimmy Hoffa

rjs

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't..Mignon McLaughlin

rjs

Gentility is what's left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone... John Ciardi

rjs

People in a temper often say a lot of silly things that they really mean... Penelope Gilliat

rjs

Confidence is simply that quite, assured feeling ou have before you fall flat on ur face.. L Binder

rjs

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating 1 peanut... Channing Pollock.

rjs

I have my standards. They may be low, but i have them.. Bette Midler

rjs

Experience is a comb life gives you after you lose your hair... Judith Stern

rjs

The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest abt it... James agate

rjs

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.. Benjamin Disraile

rjs

Men achieve a certain greatness unawares, when working to another aim. ...Ralph Waldo Emerson

rjs

Divorce can be seen as the legal alternative to murder... Jeff Fox

rjs

When ideas fail, words come in very handy. - Johann Wolfgang

rjs

Adultery is the application of democracy to love....H.L.Mencken

rjs

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. - Bill Watterson

rjs

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. - Errol Flynn

rjs

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. - Mark Twain

rjs

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

rjs

Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery... Denis Norden

rjs

Any child who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young to do it... Bob Philips

rjs

Toddlers are more likely to eat healthy food if they find it on the floor... Jan B

rjs

You know what i did before i married, anything i wanted to... Henny Youngman

rjs

No matter who you marry, you wake up married to someone else.. Marlon Brando

rjs

Once a woman has given her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her...John V

rjs

When i finally met Mr. Right, i had no idea his first name was 'Always'..Rita Ruder

rjs

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side...Stuart Turner

rjs

The best way to get husband do anything is to suggest that he is too old to do it... F.Parker

rjs

Womens movement would be more successful, if men were running it...Alan Clark

rjs

The main achievement of the women's movement was the right to go dutch..Gloria Steinem

rjs

The trouble with women is that they never put the toilet seat back up.. Simon Nye

rjs

Marriage is alliance of 2 people, 1 who remembers all date and other 1 who doesnt...Ogden Nash

rjs

Intution is the strange instinct that tells a woman she is right; whether she is or not...Oscar Wilde

rjs

The main purpose of love is to provide a theme for novels....Peir Paul Read

rjs

All the reasons of a man cannot outweigh a single feeling of a woman... Voltaire

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question...Lily Tomlin

rjs

Women might start a rumour, but not a war.... Marga Gomez

rjs

A man in house is worth 2 in the street... Mae West

rjs

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain...WCFields

rjs

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage...Ambrose Bierce

rjs

If a man speaks in forest with no women around... is he still wrong? Rick Makin

rjs

My wife and I thought we were in love but it turned out to be begining... Woody Alen

rjs

A hard man is good to find...Mae West

rjs

I 'm still going on bad dates when by now i should be in a bad marraige...Laura K

rjs

The difference btw man and battery; that battery has +ve side....

rjs

Every man I meet wants to protect me, i cant figure out from what...Mae West

rjs

People should'nt be treated like objects; they are not that valuable...PJORourke

rjs

It is absurd to divide people in gud or bad; they are either charming or tedious.

rjs

There are 3 kind of people; one those who can count, others who cannot..

rjs

I think i m pretty gud judge of people; which is y i hate most of them....

rjs

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions...RJS

rjs

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. - Jules Feiffer

rjs

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, why don't we all get wasted and have the time of our lives

rjs

Language is the source of misunderstandings. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

rjs

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. - Westheimer's Discovery

rjs

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up. - Scott Adams

rjs

Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

rjs

An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly. - Edwin P. Whipple

rjs

A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

rjs

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned.

rjs

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken

rjs

Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.

rjs

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

rjs

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

rjs

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

rjs

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

rjs

If you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space.

rjs

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H. L. Mencken

rjs

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. - J. Frank Dobie

rjs

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. - Elayne Boosler

rjs

I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. - Augusten Burroughs

rjs

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. - Albert Einstein

rjs

A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. - Evan Esar

rjs

Love can be sordid only if you work at it. - Brooke McEldowney

rjs

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. - Michel de Montaigne

rjs

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. - Albert Guinon

rjs

The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. - Flannery O'Connor

rjs

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin

rjs

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better. - Laurie Anderson

rjs

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. - Benjamin Disraeli

rjs

It is better to be quotable than to be honest. - Tom Stoppard

rjs

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. - James M. Barrie

rjs

I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. - Jane Austen

rjs

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening, engaged or married to someone else!

raj

The road to success.... Is always under construction.

raj

To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

RAJ

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

raj

Someday is not a day of the week...

raj

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

raj

It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

raj

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

raj

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

raj

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

raj