If a man speaks in forest with no women around... is he still wrong? Rick Makin

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My wife and I thought we were in love but it turned out to be begining... Woody Alen

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A hard man is good to find...Mae West

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I 'm still going on bad dates when by now i should be in a bad marraige...Laura K

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The difference btw man and battery; that battery has +ve side....

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Every man I meet wants to protect me, i cant figure out from what...Mae West

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People should'nt be treated like objects; they are not that valuable...PJORourke

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It is absurd to divide people in gud or bad; they are either charming or tedious.

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There are 3 kind of people; one those who can count, others who cannot..

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I think i m pretty gud judge of people; which is y i hate most of them....

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An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions...RJS

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Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. - Jules Feiffer

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If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, why don't we all get wasted and have the time of our lives

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Language is the source of misunderstandings. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. - Westheimer's Discovery

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The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up. - Scott Adams

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Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.

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An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly. - Edwin P. Whipple

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A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely.

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Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned.

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Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken

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Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home.

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If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

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If you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space.

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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H. L. Mencken

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The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. - J. Frank Dobie

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I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body. - Elayne Boosler

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I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. - Augusten Burroughs

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Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. - Albert Einstein

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A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. - Evan Esar

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Love can be sordid only if you work at it. - Brooke McEldowney

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No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. - Michel de Montaigne

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When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. - Albert Guinon

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The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. - Flannery O'Connor

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When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. - John Ruskin

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Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better. - Laurie Anderson

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The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. - Benjamin Disraeli

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It is better to be quotable than to be honest. - Tom Stoppard

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Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. - James M. Barrie

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I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. - Jane Austen

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All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening, engaged or married to someone else!

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The road to success.... Is always under construction.

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To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

RAJ

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

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Someday is not a day of the week...

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The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

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It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

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If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

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A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

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In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

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I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

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It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere....

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If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

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Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking....

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Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

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Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT..Dilbert

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Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time....Dilbert

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A friend in need is a pest indeed. Dilbert

I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. Dilbert

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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.. - Groucho Marx

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He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. - Andrew Lang

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"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

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"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

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"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

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He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.. - Oscar Wilde

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. - Moses Hadas

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Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. - Rudyard Kipling

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It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

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An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. - Friedrich Engels

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The depth and the willingness with which we serve is a direct reflection of our gratitude.

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I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. - Oscar Wilde

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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke

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Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. - Wernher von Braun

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The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. - George F. Will

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The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. - Henry Stimson

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England and America are two countries separated by a common language.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. W C Fields

history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.

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Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

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Life is a combination of success and failure — both are needed.

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An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

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The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

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The truth is more important than the facts.

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Confidence and enthusiasm are the greatest sales producers...

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Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.

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All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

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Regular naps prevent old age, especially while driving.

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It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

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Faith is a gift from God that is available to anyone who wants it.

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We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything...

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A good composer does not imitate; he steals...

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If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect...Ted

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Never ask for a lighter rain. Just pray for a better umbrella.

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Sleep for dreams and wake up for aims.

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Dream requires effortless sleep whereas aim requires sleepless effort.

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